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But I will do this right, I will not damage a spear only to please him.We walk to the shed where is Linda’s car and now also the car of her brother. In the back is a thing like the soft pads on the beds where we sleep. She asks will this work, and I test it; yes, it will be good. It is bulky and awkward, but I grasp it hard with my hands and carry it to the place behind my target. It will not stand of itself, so I lean it against a tree.“You ready now?” asks the brother. His voice is ill, but I will not take offense, he is the brother of Linda and I must hold my anger.I stand by the target and begin to walk; I will go thirty paces. This is not so far as I might have gone, but I have not hunted in a moon now, I will be not so good as I might be in hunting time. I have gone many winters longer between hunts, though, and the body remembers, I need only allow it to do so.Both are watching me as I walk. I reach the end of my distance. Without turning I remove my jacket and drop it to the. One of the reasons my anxiety is through the roof is my illness took my ability to do deep meditation which I have done since I was in my middle teens.When I was younger I had the feeling that a lot of young people people do of being an outsider. I also had the unfortunate experience of having it reinforced a whole lot. Now, being an outsider does have a perk or three. One is you learn to watch behaviour objectively and see how contradictory humans are. Two is as an outsider you can move along the fringes of several different groups without loyalty issues or the politicking.It is bothersome though because it is lonely and you begin to feel as if you belong nowhere. That’s just bad for a human being. We are by nature a social creature. We will take up with the worst sort of crowd if we think they are the only ones who will takes us in. I know. I’ve sat at millionaires tables and I’ve sat on a ragged couch in a dank garage where a druggie lived and a lot of time druggies and other low.
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