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We must obliterate the self to obliterate the will. We must erase the self to find fulfillment. Only when our self is utterly gone, when we act without thought and without question, can we be free of suffering.’ Jessica descended in her mind’s eye now through the white and into the blue heart of the flame, no longer even conscious of the pleasure in her body as Natasha’s hands moved down to stroke her pussy, but feeling it nonetheless. The more she lost herself in the mantra, the less she thought, the better it felt. The fear melted away as she erased the thoughts that caused it, and Jessica wiped her self away eagerly now, knowing it was the only way to escape the terror that had consumed her these last few days. The only way to be free of fear was to be free of Jessica. Realizing that finally made Jessica give up the battle she didn’t even know she’d been fighting. Her body went limp, letting out a tension she didn’t even know she had as she continued Exercise One. ‘Only without. At the next break, once again Becky walked with me to the table.“You know we never really did talk things through,” she said. “It’s my fault, I know, because of what I did, both in deceiving you and in letting my mom pressure me into an abortion. Would you at least talk to me? Please?”Dredging up all those old memories was not something I really wanted to do. I had pretty much dealt with everything and moved on.“I’m pretty much at peace with the past at this point. I just don’t see the point of rehashing it.”“You had lots of people to talk to. I didn’t. I’ve never really been able to talk to anyone,” Becky said, her voice full of sadness.Given this was Becky, my first thought was that it was just another game she was playing, just another attempt to pull me into a relationship that I knew would be doomed even before it began. Even a friendship with Becky was fraught with all kinds of risks and danger. But, given the circumstances, I was probably the only person she could really talk.
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