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“Big brother, I know that tone. It’s the same one you used a year ago. Don’t do this again! Do you hear me? Don’t do this again!”“Sorry, Squirt. Obviously I’m upset. I just don’t get it. I don’t. What can she possibly say that would explain this? No, there’s nothing to say to her at this point.”“She must have had a good reason to decide to go to Stanford,” Kara said.“I have no doubt about that. And honestly, that’s not the problem,” I said.“No,” Bethany said, “the problem is she didn’t talk to him. She did this before, Kara, and he just about lost his mind.”“I’d argue there was no ‘just about’,” I sighed.“And we three are going to make damn sure that does NOT happen again!” Stephanie added.“So, what do we do?” Kara asked.“We love him,” Stephanie said. “And we keep him on the straight and narrow like he has been since January. And I think that means no sex with anyone not at this table without express permission. Last time, he tried to fuck his way out of his mental state and that went. I also decide to come up with something more creative for a first date than dinner and a movie. Something to get her little heart racing. But what? I turn to my books, and tomorrow’s assignment and vow to work something out later. I meet Jake at the pub again the next night, instead of calling Gillian. ‘Mike! What the hell! Are you crazy? You didn’t call her?’ ‘I just thought it might seem a little overly urgent and needy to call her on command. I’ll call her tomorrow night, but I have to come up with something to wow her on the first date. Any suggestions?’ ‘Well, I just take ’em out for a few drinks to get them loosened up, and then try to get them into the sack. Works more often than not Mike!’ ‘Wow, Jake! That’s magnificent! Are you shitting me … get her loosened up hoping to get her in the sack? That’s your idea?’ ‘Well, yeah. It works, sometimes.’ ‘What kind of a wingman comes up with a bullshit suggestion like ‘loosen ’em up and get ’em in the sack’? Jake, I want this.
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