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I feel the same way. I was raped. I know you’ll never hurt me, never force me. It doesn’t stop me being afraid. Maybe that’s the best way to look at it. You were raped by them too. It wasn’t sexual, but they violated you so completely, that they might as well have.”I’d never looked at it like that before. I frowned as I thought about it.“It’s the same fear you feel, but you’re afraid to be touched here,” she said, her fingers resting on my chest. She took my hand and moved it to her crotch. “I’m afraid to be touched here. Neither of us can ignore it. We can only promise to help each other through it.”I looked in her eyes and lifted my free hand to press her hand tighter to my chest. “You’ve already touched me here,” I told her. “I’m scared because that touch becomes a knife so quickly and the knife never goes away. Not really.”She nodded and pressed her hand against mine, coaxing my fingers against her sex harder. “You’ve already touched me here. I want you so much it frightens me. I. I couldn't tell him then, but i can tell him now, and it hurts to thinki will have to tell him again. He only wanted understanding, and that'swhat i've been trying to show you. The understanding of me. All those times you asked me why i took his side, all the times i never told youwhy. i always said 'i don't know' And i didn't. Now i do. You might have thought it was male sticking by male, but it wasn't. i forgive him forwhatever he used to shame me. i know that for him, the understandingthat his son is really his daughter will hurt him, hurt his male pride.But i will tell him that the strength he has always shown me was thebeginning of my own."Now, with all but one thing said, i needed to console her as best as icould, to show her that i understood her. To show that i understood andforgave her. Whatever hurt i had done, now i hoped to heal."Mother, Please try to understand how much i'm trying to love you again.i stopped loving you when i realized how much you had hurt me with.
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