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I didn’t have anyone’s respect, I was being used. Jake … wow, Jake … Jake is so different. I can tell this is new territory for him. Jake is caring, sensitive, and protective. For him to take on this role … for me … it means so much to me. He didn’t tell me, command me, about approaching his friend, John, to suck him and make love to him. It was just little things that told me that was what he wanted. It made me excited. It made me tingle and aroused that he wanted that for me. I wanted to do it. Yes, a big part of that is to please Jake, to serve him … my natural tendencies, right? But, another part was that I wanted to do it because it excited me. Jake has tapped into that understanding about me. He understands that I have a high sexual energy and need. He knows he can help satisfy that and protect me along the way.” I looked at her intently. “Do you understand what I am trying to say?”She didn’t respond at first. Then she leaned back in her chair and a smile grew on her face and. She justsmiled and walked, occasionally looking around. They sat down in thelarge lecture hall. Kelly got out her notebook and pen, marking the dateat the top of the page. She realized she had been holding her breath theentire time. Oh my God, she thought. I just walked through anauditorium full of kids my age dressing like a girl and no one had givenher a second look. It was surreal.Kelly was still full of self-doubt and paranoia. She kept wondering ifsomeone would just walk up to her and point a finger, screaming that youare a boy, you are a fake. But it wasn't happening. After a while, shestopped waiting for the drama to begin and started to concentrate on theclass itself.She was enjoying herself. She felt the hormones back in her system likea familiar friend. It was a satisfying, comfortable high that combinedconfidence and security. Kelly understood how someone could becomeaddicted to a drug. Hmm, she thought. Am I addicted to estrogen?As she took notes and deep.
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