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After five minutes or so, she calmed enough to sob out something. I didn't understand her at first. She was lying face down with her head in the pillow. I rolled her over and asked her to repeat herself. "I... I had an affair." She sobbed and tried to pull away from me.I was stunned. I had never even thought about anything like that. I felt the blood drain from my face, and felt a cold hollow feeling in my chest. She went back to crying. I sat there for a while trying to get a grip on all of the different things I was feeling - shock, betrayal, concern for her, and strong arousal - just for starters.I looked at her ass shake as she lay face down on the bed sobbing. My feelings of concern took the forefront. I started rubbing her back and telling her that I loved her and that we would be ok. As I spent the next twenty minutes or so trying to console her I was trying to deal with my own feelings. I was hurt that she had done this. I also had a hardon imagining my girl with another. But later, it comes to me that there is a thing in my mind that I cannot leave. Beside me in bed Linda sleeps now, but sleep will not come to me. I rise softly so I will not wake her and go to other room in this great house that we now have. I must think to myself.I make error in this day. Linda says many excuses for my error, but I will not excuse myself from it. I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but I will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot.
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