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Ann took a deep breath. ‘Our sex life is…well, it’s really, um, awful,’ she murmured, her voice very soft. ‘Walter has never been one to, you know, take a lot of time when we make love. Sometimes…sometimes I feel as if he just wants to get it over with.’ ‘So your sexual relationship with Walter isn’t very gratifying,’ I commented. ‘And he’s blaming you for that?’ I was surprised how open Ann was being. I’d always seen her as a bit repressed, yet here she was, discussing the most intimate details of her marriage with me. Ann looked at me, her eyes flashing with anger. ‘Gratifying!’ she snorted. ‘That’s a joke! My sex life is anything but gratifying! That’s the whole problem! It’s driving me crazy! It’s made me physically ill. I have headaches and backaches, I can’t sleep, and I’m miserable most of the time. I asked our family doctor about it, and I told me it’s all tension and suggested that Walter and I have couples counseling. Walter…he…he said he wasn’t crazy and didn’t need to see. Christel: And how did you come to know Lukas ?Barbara: Well, let me start from my childhood. I always had the feelingthat I should have been born as a girl. I first played with my motherscurlers in bed under the blankets and put them in my hair. When I waseleven I started to crossdress with my mothers clothes. When I wastwelve I knew enough about hormones, so I took little by little somepills out of my mothers hormonal treatment - it was Estradiol - and cutthem in quarters and had one quarter a day for several weeks. When mymother stopped this treatment, she got on contraceptive pills and had arecipe for six months and she bought them altogether. I took the riskand just stole one of the packs and went on another month on babypills.Later on there have been periods where I didn't think anymore about it,I mean about crossdressing. And then started a very unhappy period,depressions and so. I started reading books about psychology to findout what was wrong with me. And with 15 everything.
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