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Standing in front of me was an attractive woman. She was tall and blond and in her early thirties. She smiled at me as I introduced myself."You must be Jim's wife. Hi. My name is Pam Johnson; I used to work with your husband."She looked puzzled but she shook my hand and invited me into the house."I'm Barbara. Jim's not home. He won't be home for another two hours," she said.I looked at my watch. It was 5:30 PM. "Perhaps I should stop back another time then," I said."No, stay and have a drink with me. I am feeling a little lonely today. The kids are with the grandparents for the weekend and the house always feels so empty when they are away," Barbara said."If I am not imposing, I would enjoy a drink," I said.Barbara made two gin and tonics and we sat in the living room."One weekend a month the kids go to either my parents' house or Jim's parents' house so that we can have some time to ourselves. It helps keep things fresh for us." That's nice," I said. I wasn't enjoying the small talk. I used to be good at dodging. I got whaled in the face so hard my glasses flew off and I fell over. I looked at the peg board on the wall and dwelled on future tortures. Who knows, maybe I’d get more than one peg. I tripped on the way to the locker room. My coordination has been shot since I got here. Muscle memory. Not matching up with my old body.Sitting alone at the lunch table later I thought about it. I was going to have to live here, and I couldn’t change the past. That is, this wasn’t my past, but my future. My life, my brothers lives had been lived once. I’d have to hope that my loved ones were still out there in the cosmos moving on, missing me. That this was just another time altogether.I felt sad for my Angel. We would miss each other. I doubted that I could ever fall in love again. I really did have a perfect marriage. She’s five years younger than me, so what, nine, now? Oh hon, the last 20 years flew by so fast. Maybe in a few years I’ll look you up, just to let you.
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