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. I ... I need your help. Don't stop loving me; God I would die!" Even with that she did not look up. She was bent over, her hands clasping at her stomach like she had cramps. She was looking down at the floor—or had her eyes closed. "I guess it started after I lost the baby."She started the first of her heart rending crying jags after saying that. When she had recovered somewhat, she continued, "It wasn't only the loss of something that was a part of me, of us, but that we would never be able to have children. I know it bothered you, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I threw myself into my work ... and I know I didn't give you the time you wanted and needed from me. I was doing a lot of surgeries, even volunteering to cover for other doctors whenever that came up."I was having trouble staying as alert as I needed to be when doing an operation, so I got a prescription for amphetamines from my doctor. She renewed it once but wouldn't do it again. She said it was too dangerous. I. Gone was the strict disciplinarian, now all I could see in her eyes was warmth and care. Or perhaps more, a small voice said, but I didn’t linger at the thought. “We’ll leave you alone now, you should take a shower. You stink. You don’t need to hurry, though. Just come to the kitchen when you’re finished.” She pressed her lips to mine for a long moment, and I thought I even felt the tip of her tongue, but I couldn’t be sure. Then I was alone. After the millions of emotions, the silence felt almost oppressive. I cleaned myself up and flushed, then stepped into the shower like a robot. Leaning against the wall, I let the cool water stream over my body and wondered what the hell had happened to the world that I thought I had known. I didn’t have words to express the levels of embarrassment I had endured. And I didn’t have ones for the intensity of my climax either, I realized with dread, just barely catching my hand on its way between my legs. My landlady and my new roommate were both.
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