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Our children will never meet, or families will be strangers. There will never be a chance to watch your hair grow back. I can’t ever remind you how beautiful you are, even when you’re bald and too thin. I promised I’d remember you like to be kissed gently, with a nibble at the end. Tears burn my eyes as I grieve for the lost chance to wake up next to you. I still want to hold your hand everywhere, at home, in public, during sex and while we sleep. I have so many questions that will have to remain unanswered. This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on. The gifts of silk shirts, dress slacks, Gucci shoes. The exclusive use of my Granny Joan’s second car, a brand new Ford Mustang tops the list. This along with my “escorting” my Grannies on trips to Vegas, Cruises, and the three trips to Hawaii are just made for a single divorced guy in his early sixty’s. Let’s look at one of my typical days with one of my Grannies, Joan. I slide into my Ford Mustang convertible at about noon to pick her up and take her to lunch at a fancy outdoor restaurant in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Then it is off to some local art galleries. We stop at some men’s shops where she buys me a $100.00 custom western style leather belt, because my other belt looks like something and “old man would wear”. Then it’s off to her 3000 square foot five bedroom luxury home. She has asked me to move in on several occasions but why should I limit myself to one granny when I can fuck four different women every week!!!Well the afternoon started when we got back to her place to sit.
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