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The smell of her hair was close and her perfume intoxicating. With her attention focused beyond the window I found no opening to conversation. I feared to speak to her only to come away with her standard courteous kiss-off. My pulse began to race, but I remained paralyzed until the swaying motion of the train sent my body against hers. I pulled back but there was no reaction from her. Another commuter entered the alcove. I stepped in closer and let the next motion carry me against her again and remained there with my body lightly brushing hers as the train rocked and swayed. God, she was beautiful I thought and feared she would hear my pounding heart. Calming just a bit I suddenly felt the urge to let her know I was there. Almost as a reaction I let the back of my hand lightly brush across her ass. It was a bold move that got her attention. When she turned her head and looked at me to determine the source and intent of the touch, I held her gaze as confidently as I could, allowing. Both sent from his personal email - not his secret email. I pointed that out the following afternoon. He said not to worry, he'd deleted the messages from his sent file.Silly me. I assumed he meant the email account's sent file - not just the one on his phone. I should have known better.As I suspected, his wife had wormed her way into his email online, and is checking it regularly. Of course she sees those messages to me. Of course all hell breaks loose, yet again. I hadn't seen the messages until much later, and so I hadn't responded to them, but it's bad enough without that technicality.He says he needs to go dark. I agree. I delete and block him from my chat program.*****Losing Patrick like this has been difficult. I'm so used to having him to talk to that not having him there is a huge hole in my day.I'd be flat-out lying if I didn't acknowledge that the funk I've been in for the past month isn't, in large part, due to this relationship ending. I know I've been mourning the loss.
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