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I'd dated her for less than a year, but I'd begun to fall in love with Ellie. And having her wrenched away from me just as we were about to embark on our great journey together had crippled me, as if one of my two legs had been taken away. I'd like to think I wasn't overreacting. After all, I wasn't suicidal or anything. But I couldn't move on. And each little inkling inside of me that tried to move on was smothered by guilt at dishonoring her memory or something.Perhaps I would get some closure on Saturday. The funeral was scheduled for then. Quite a few of Ellie's friends had already made plans to return home.Monica and Nate flew back. Most of our High School clique showed up. I'm pretty sure everyone expressed their sympathies to me, but I don't remember much from that day.One thing I do remember was how beautiful and peaceful Ellie looked in her casket before they closed the lid. Up until then, the lasting image in my mind was that of her mangled body, covered in drying blood,. I had placed a sleep blindfold over her eyes and had taken her to one of the local sleazy adult motels something we did on a number of occasions, as she loved not knowing where she was or what was going to happen, in the front parking lot I had unzipped her cocktail dress all the way, while we necked and I fondled her in our parked car. I too had been drinking, but was still sober enough to drive.When I finally got out of the car and around to the other side, I helped her out. The revealing New Years dress she had worn that evening was still in the car! She did not seem to mind at all standing there in only heels stockings and garter belt at 1:00 in the morning! Several cars that had driven by, honked and if it had not been so late there probably could have easily been an accident! I took both of her hands and held them behind her back and pushed her along helpless and naked in front of me, through the foyer and right into the motel office. There was another young couple in the.
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