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The woman I often imagined myself to be, the feminine component of my personality that was so much a part of me. I had begun to dress more and more actively, to change my overall appearance in subtle ways. I strove for a place where I could be less male, and more female. This had not always gone well, but it had become important.We had talked for hours and hours over the past weeks and months. The talks had been painful for us both. At times, things felt wonderful all over again, but a cloud had hovered over us for months. And yesterday, we had had a huge fight. Things appeared very bleak, and so I had left, seeking some space to think, to ponder, to just find some answers.I loved her. She was my life. She had taken me down paths of learning I would never explore myself. She has freed me to be a better person than I was before I met her. She has also revealed parts of myself to me that I would rather have not known. She was the smoke of a drug I wished to suck inside myself and never. “The important thing to process is that it’s over,” I said. “No matter what caused the split, it’s history now.” I was fighting against the urge to tell her to go fuck herself.“I will buy you out of the lease, so I never have to see you again,” I suggested. “But only if you come up with a reasonable price.” If she were smart she would recognize it for what it was. A way to keep my options open.“How much you offering?” she asked.“$50k but you are going to need to have a bank account where I can transfer it. I’ll have my lawyer send you an agreement that you forfeit all claims on the property or improvement to it. You will also agree that you no longer have a lease on the property. Also that you realize if you show up on the property, you will be arrested for trespass,” I hoped that it helped to keep her illusion that Jarrett’s body was still buried on the property. In fact all I wanted was to put all the crap behind me.I had been out of the crap for a full year, and I wanted to stay.
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