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. and I can't help but think that even then, as a littleboy, there was something in me that wanted to be erased, ruined anddestroyed... made to act like a girl... and be treated like a girl...call it a masochistic bent or something else... call it whatever youwant... but it only got worse with adolescence. That's when I reallystarted dressing up a lot--in secret--whenever my parents went out,whenever I was alone in the house, I would put on lingerie and lipstickand masturbate in the mirror... looking at this little hippie boy-girlwearing flowers in her long brown hair... that's me... listening to theVelvet Underground... wishing I was the lead singer Nico, a beautifulicy-blonde with beautiful pouting lips... and I'm, what, thirteen-years-old at the time? Listening to Lou Reed sing, whiplash girlchildin the night... sneaking upstairs... reading my father's pornography,hidden in a small locked closet in the attic (but I found the keyhidden in his desk...) reading all sorts of dirty. ”“And you just accepted that? Korbaz, you made a wise decision. The Matriarch can’t win this war, it’s impossible. The best thing she can do now is minimize her losses and try to negotiate a favorable surrender. The alternative is getting fucked by the long dick of the Navy, which is going to happen sooner or later.”“I know that,” she sighed. “Her plan is to fortify the territory, endure a siege, command every pack to fight the invaders to the last.”“She’s scared,” Cooper mused, “she’s not thinking tactically anymore. Korbaz, you keep telling me how Rask leaders are supposed to care for their charges, right? You’re a good Admiral, you care about your men, you wouldn’t sacrifice them for intangible concepts like honor if you had the choice. The Matriarch is a despot,” he added, his brow furrowing. “She’s willing to burn the entire territory and everyone in it just to protect herself. She’s using you, and everyone else under her command, as living shields.”“She is Matriarch,” Korbaz.
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