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Can you believe that the Libyan government was behind the bombing of Pan Am 103?”“Sadly, yes,” I sighed. “I could totally see Gaddafi doing something like that, especially after what happened back when Reagan was president.”“You’re not indirectly blaming Reagan for the bombing, are you?” Howard asked.“No, sorry,” I said. “That wasn’t what I meant to imply. I meant that Gaddafi was pissed enough about being bitch-slapped by Reagan a bunch of times that I could see this happening. It’s what happens when a guy who thinks he’s ‘Supreme Leader’ gets revealed to have a one-inch dick!”The guys laughed.“What is it with you men and size?” Pam said with a sly grin.“The only guys who say size doesn’t matter are the guys who are small!” Clayton said with a hearty laugh.“Is it twue?” Howard asked, in a faux-German falsetto, trying to sound like Madeline Kahn in Blazing Saddles.“You would know, Howard! We’ve showered in the same BOQ before you ran off with Miss High Society!” he said smugly.“I. I start talking. "Mom, firstof all, you don't need to worry about me." Hu... hu... honey? You need to explain to me what just happened."I search for a way to explain it to her. My brain is still racing fromthe emergency. It only takes a few seconds. "You know the Internetproblems you were having at work today? I caused them. Not just for youroffice. I think it's affecting the whole world right now. So I went intohigh stress mode. And when I'm stressed or need to figure something out...I talk to myself." Yourself? I heard three voices coming from you. One was distinctly agirl." Yeah, well, I guess they're not exactly me. Tjampion's my hackeridentity. Just an androgynous figment of my imagination that only existson the Internet." And the girl?" I... She..."Mom is almost back into mom mode. "It's okay, hon, you can tell me."Another sigh from me. "Her name's Jay. She's the girl version of me."She's starting to understand. We both remember Dad beating the crap outof me for having feminine.
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