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His wife hadn’t aged the way he had and still turned heads everywhere they went. His son was an idiot and he wondered if it was a gene from his side of the family. Even more aggravating, he had been saddled for over twenty years taking care of his wife’s sister’s kid. Herman shook his head in disgust. Hairy turned 21 years old today and he was every bit the stud his old man was. ‘Freakin’ bastard,’ Herman thought to himself. Herman smiled for the first time that day. ‘At least the kid doesn’t know about the magic,’ Herman thought with menacing glee. ‘That’s one thing I’ll keep from him if it’s the last thing I do.’ Herman stuck his key in the lock, and started to turn it, when he felt something hit him on the forehead. The ‘something’ passed in front of his eyes as it fell to the ground. On the ground was a small square foil package. Herman recognized the condom immediately. ‘Where the fuck did this thing come from?’ He muttered under his breath. He looked up instinctively to see. ..EXCUSESThese are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling): God bless the American education system!My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.Please execute him.Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had --diahre--dyrea--direathe-- the shits.Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday.
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