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’ Of all of us, Judy Dildo was the one most likely to agree with Polly Tarantella’s thesis that Crystal Passion was the victim of a grand conspiracy. Most of us blamed our misfortune more on the outcome of a series of unfortunate events. And this is ironic given that Polly portrays Judy as the pantomime villain of the tour. She seems to assume that every slight, every setback, every cancelled gig, police harassment and negative press article was all part of a grand scheme whose sole purpose was to bring about Crystal Passion’s demise. And the fact that Judy was no more unscathed than Crystal does nothing to deflect Polly’s condemnation. ‘Is there anything we can do?’ Jenny Alpha wondered. ‘Yeah there is,’ said Jacquie who, along with her sister, was still incensed at our humiliation at the Purple Robe. ‘We can get on board a fucking plane and fly home. This tour’s been a fucking disaster from the very beginning. Let’s just cut our losses.’ ‘We’ve still got a few gigs to honour,’. “But that’s perfectly normal” replied the doctor. “Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks”. “You DO?”exclaimed the man. “With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?”It was 6pm and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone’s laundry on my way home. “It’s for my cousin” she apologised “who’s eight months pregnant and can’t get out much anymore”. I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. “Hi, there” I said with a big smile. “Is your mummy home?” Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained “I have a delivery for her”. The child’s mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. “Mummmm!” she shrieked “come quick! It’s the stork!”A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order. “ ... and to drink?” she asked. The man.
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