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Did we talk about it? Eventually.It went for almost three years, we had to talk about it.But I don't remember the first time.What we said.Except telling her that she didn't have toand she couldn't tellbut she didn't have tobut I wanted her tobut she couldn't tell.Sometimes I wanted to threaten herthinking about what could happen to me --what people would saymy BROTHERhis WIFEChrist, our parentsCousins! neighbors! Mother's bridge club!prison? do the parents have to press charges?would they(have)?-- sometimes it made me so angryso pissed offno pussy worth thisno prize this greathow dare shehow could she not see what I riskedhow dare she actlike SHEhad riskedANYthingit was all on me.Other timesthat was all undone bybewilderment and guiltwhen she asked me eyes downcast small voice looking at her fingernails and picking at themfoot crooked under her besatuponif other girls liked anal sex so muchand if it made her weirdif she was a pervert.Like she was going to cry if I said yes.We never --. It was certainly clear she wanted it; he had every reason to think she'd be good at it. Sex with Shae would probably be quite a ride -- but in spite of the closeness of the relationship he'd built with Shae and the perspective he'd gained, it still seemed like it would be cheating on Julie. As much as he enjoyed the nights he and Shae had spent just cuddling, he couldn't shake himself of the guilt he felt for stepping out on the memory of his wife.From what he knew of Shae's past relationships -- and he knew quite a bit, she hadn't been shy about them -- he knew none had been very successful, even with the basketball player she'd been sort of engaged to. So, he couldn't fault her with being eager once she'd found a guy she was pretty sure of, who had several qualities she'd been looking for. But sometimes it seemed like she was too eager, maybe a little obsessive. He'd talked to Eve on the phone a couple times in the past month, but they had been more just general updates on his.
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