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I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a house full of our memories together, the hardships we overcame to be together and all the delights that followed. I dream of Christmas mornings and hearing our children run into the living room to see if Santa had come. I dream of a daughter and a son playing outside with him, chasing them through the garden and playing hide and seek. I long to lay on his chest at the end of the day just to hear his heart beating and find that the rhythm of my own beat is synchronised with his. I want to wake up every morning next to him and. I explained that he was gone on business for the month. Jason then wondered if I needed help with the grass. The yard did need tending; my husband was not able to get to it before he had left. I looked at Jason and, in my best little girl flirtatious voice, said, "Oh could you? That would be wonderful." When we agreed upon a price, he said he would get it taken care of in a day or two. Jason must of have gotten off early from work the next day. I heard the lawn mower and went to the window to check. He was wearing only a pair of shorts walking his way around my front yard. I kept watching him work, all the while getting myself worked up. When he got to the back yard, I could take it no longer. The shades were already up, so you could easily see into our bedroom and bathroom. As I undressed, I could feel my heart thumping. I walked in front of the window slowly and made my way to the bathroom mirror where I pretended to ready for a bath, spending a huge amount of time combing my.
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