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I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant; the only thing that was holding me back was the thought of being with a guy. Even though I had given Jason a blow job; that thought was still bothering me. The more I thought about it the more depressed I got. It seemed that I was destined to be a virgin for the rest of my days. The suddenly I had a crazy idea; maybe it wouldn't bother me if Jack was the one who took my virginity. That would solve two problems at the same time. We both would lose our virginities, and I could teach him to be a good lover; he'd improve his self confidence, and be able to go out and get a girl on his own. No, I couldn't allow that to happen; that would make him less likely to want to live the rest of his life in isolation with me. What if we became lovers; that would be incest, but who would know? We would have to tell Mom & Dad, of course, but that would be explained when we told them about me anyway. That's the way it would have to be. We would live. . I-I mean, I did enjoy it, but I really shouldn't have done it. I'm still not sure what came over me."She has to talk out her feelings about it.Having analyzed his own mind on the way to the Inn, he was cognizant enough to realize the thought likely did not come from him. He could disregard it, even though it made sense. He could use that talk to dissuade her from thinking further about him in a sexual manner.I would love to have her think about sex when she thinks about me. And I accept that, Jason added, less sure of the origin of the initial thought. I accept I would desire her like that. I do not deny it.Jason saw Cindy's anxious look and realized he had to say something in response. "I enjoyed it, too. You're very good at it."Cindy gave him a nervous smile, her cheeks pink. "Um, thanks."Jason wanted to leave it at that, until he wondered if she were better at any particular aspect of sex, even though he knew it should not matter to him. But if I accept my desires, it should be.
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