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It consumes me, abandons me, beckons me,saddens me, disappoints me, arouses me. But, then, a breakthrough: arealization. Love is an idea; it is not real. Nothing we think orfeel--especially feel--is real.Only the moment is real. The now. The incident and the event are real,but only as long as they happen, for memories, also, are unreal.Very well. Let me explain. Perhaps an example will help. My breasts arereal when their weight is in my hands--or yours. They have density, then;they are tangible; they are measurable. Unmistakably, they haveexistence. But, after the moment, when they are no longer held, they arejust ideas, nothing more than memories.Eva, my former love, says I am too philosophical: "too philosophicalfor your own good," she says. (She is not philosophical enough for herown good, I say.)Thom (is it pretentious to include the "h"? I maintain that it is; Thomor Tom insists it is not and tells me that I am a snob.)Only recently, I have begun to consider not only my breasts,. I continued to watch as Diane made her way back with a bucket full of ice. Watching her drug and alcohol influenced innocence as she staggered along the hall way really got to me. I could feel my cock growing harder the closer she came to the room. When she got to the elevators she stopped. "Did you see that young couple? I bet I know what they're doing right now," she slurred as she pointed back down the hall. "I bet they went out and partied and now they're going to party here, now," she slurred. She wiggled her hips as she spoke and almost lost her balance. I heard the elevator again and urged her to come on and get back in the room. Instead she seemed fascinated by her reflection in the mirrored doors of the elevator. I started walking towards her and her reflection and had just gotten my hand on her arm as the elevator opened and two middle aged men started to step out dragging their luggage behind them. "Sorry," I apologized. "She's a little drunk." "Ice?' she offered as.
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