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Ryan want to see you again?” she asked.“One month,” I said.She looked up and smiled.“And what is the appointment for?” she asked.Really, I thought!“Enlarged prostate,” I replied.Her smile got even bigger and she entered an appointment and wrote the date and time on a reminder card.“Here you go, Mr. Fisher. See you in a month,” she said, and she continued to smile at me.She must have known what I was really coming back for. I felt so embarrassed about it but pushed it aside as I left. When I got home, I kissed my wife hello and told her that the Urologist said I had a slightly enlarged prostate, but he thought it was age-related and nothing to really worry about. I also told her that he had a process that might shrink the prostate and that I was going to see him on a monthly basis for this experimental procedure. She responded by saying, “that’s good” as she continued to keep herself busy with whatever it was she was doing.I headed to the shower, stripped, admired my feminine. When we got married I was still trying to be in denial about my sexuality, but Terri picked up on what I was early on. I mean, our sex life was great - mainly because I would be fantasizing being with some black man when we were having sex.While I had never directly come out to Terri, I had subconsciously - and - consciously been giving hints and cues for years. Sometimes Terri would prod me to "tell the truth." And while I came close - always when we were having sex - I would backtrack later and say that I was just going along with her "foolishness." Truth is, I wanted very badly to come out to Terri, but I was afraid that would be all she needed to justify leaving me for good. No one who knew me thought much of me as a man, and people openly asked her what she was doing with me. She would tell me all the time about those comments. She was absolutely gorgeous, a real girlie-girl, while I was as plain as they come and the word "masculine" would not be the word that came to mind when.
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