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So I try to tell Mum that she should listen more but she doesn’t listen. Well that was a shocker but at least I tried. To make things worse she’s totally swearing at me. She even uses the f word not once but lots of times. So I sit there and I’m so mad at Mum that I could burst and I wanted to scream at her and scream at her about how much I hate her but for some reason I don’t.I sit there and I think I wish I could make her shut up so that she has to listen and then I remember how a couple of times when we were yelling at each other Mum threatened to get the tape out and plaster it over my mouth so I would stop yelling. And I’m so mad that I decide to do that to her and see how she likes it. So I get the tape and I’m about to grab her and plaster tape over her mouth when I realise she’s going to reach up and tear it off as soon as I do it. So I tell Dad to grab her hands and he does that. Then I grab Mum’s head and slap the tape right across her mouth. Well that shuts her right up. I. We don’t share clothes. “Neither,” she chirped, her eyes sparkling with excitement that suggested she was in the grip of one of her grand plans. “It’s for you, but you need my help.” “Why …?” Goodness, which question did I want answered first? Let’s work backwards; Belinda doesn’t make mental leaps easily so she’s easier to unwind that to reset. “Hang on, why do you need to help dress me?” “Sweetie, you know I love you, right?” she looked uncharacteristically serious for a moment. “Um? Sure, OK.” I sensed a trap, but didn’t know what it was. “Good,” she said. “So you’ll understand how much it hurts me to say this, but it comes from the heart. You can’t dress sexy for shit.” “O-o-o-okay,” this was not news, I really couldn’t dress sexy for shit. This conversation was starting to make more sense; Belinda was trying to hook me up and a sexy dress was part of her plan. “So why do we … no, why do I,” I stressed the last word, “need a sexy red dress?” “Because I’m taking you to the HAGS.
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