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I try to remember what it was like there, what I did, who I loved. I almost remember when my wounds reopen and I allow myself to sink into blackness. Images drown me in the water that is now my home. A snippet of laughter, a soft kiss, a forgotten bit of sun. It is only the jeering of the gulls high above. There is sand in my mouth. A continent stretches behind me yet I do not look for others of my kind. I do not know if there are others like me. I spit out the sand and each grain turns into a dream before sinking back into the beach. I look towards the forest stretching in one direction, then my eyes turn back to the ocean. I yell at the gulls who won’t quit mocking me. I yell at the sky above and the endless water. I yell into eternity. No one answers. I am thirsty. A walk along the beach until I find a stream. It is a small blue ribbon snaking out from the woods until its essence is swallowed by the sea. It gives up its very existence to merge with the sea. I envy it a moment.. Both kids had wanted their own laptops since they started high school but we just couldn't justify the expense when they had computers at school and this one at home. I have to admit that this was the first time I had genuinely wished we had or that I had my own laptop.I certainly never would have approved of that kind of secrecy between husband and wife in the past, and I felt a bit guilty at the thought of such secrecy within my own marriage, but the thrill was undeniable. Sadly that said more about the state of our marriage than I was prepared to admit to at the time though.I watched Beth go into her school website while I fussed about in the office, pretending to be doing things in there while trying to make sure Beth didn't head towards my file. She began working away on her homework. I reluctantly left the room and prayed to whatever god would listen to me that she wouldn't stumble on anything I didn't want her to see.The rest of the day went by relatively normally although it.
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