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Hugs were shared all around and we decided to visit ‘E’s’ condo to see how best to integrate her into us and our home. It was late when we got back to the house and we needed to get to bed. I said, ‘No one sleeps alone tonight. Beth and Liz get the hide-a-bed and Elissa will sleep with me. We are to sleep. No masturbating, no pussy play, no fucking. Sleep.’ Three voices said, ‘As you wish, Master.’ I washed all three women in the tiny shower and they dried each other after they washed and dried me. ‘E’ crawled into bed with me and snuggled against me. She said, ‘God, it feels so good to be in bed like this again. Thank you, Master.’ ‘You feel very good to me, too. Do not transfer money to my account until the month is over. Before Saturday morning we’ll talk about what we’ll say to Brad and Emily, and when.’ We kissed for a few minutes and I could feel her wanting more. At the end of those few minutes I had her roll over, spooned against her backside and we fell asleep that way.. It was a good thing that Mama gave in, because I had already learned that those walls I'd built up, somehow weren't working. They only worked when you didn't actually love people, or when those people didn't love you back. It was something I had used at the orphanage, to pretend to be stronger than I was. I needed to be emotionally detached, to appear more self sufficient than I really was. I could still run away inside my mind and hide, I just couldn't do it without feelings now. I had lost the ability to do that. I was now just as vulnerable as anyone else. Maybe that had always been true, but now I knew that it was. I felt exposed."I can't just go back there, not after this. I need some time to think about things. Tell Mama I love her, and I'm sorry, but I need to still figure a lot of things out. This thing with Brenda is causing me problems, and I need to get myself to where I'm able to accept what happened better. Right now, I'm very angry." That's certainly understandable,.
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