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Watching myself grow rounder, fuller…feeling the life within me that brought with it fear and hope and complete uncertainty. Knowing as I know my own name that nothing could ever change what was happening to me…not knowing if I really wanted it to change at all. People watching me, people whispering…their eyes burning like demon fire. God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I. ?I told her that we were gonna drop off at the next town, to meet with the other fucking illegal spics!!? Billy replied.?Well, are you really gonna drop her off???? asked Alex.?What the fuck do you think??? Cops, unemployed Americans, and politicians have been trying to discourage the fucking bastards from sneaking over the border!!! I am bringing her back to the Cabin, not that I am gonna tell her that!! Bet you cops and other whites would be happy if this bitch had been taught a lesson, for coming over, and infiltrating our land and disrupting our way of life!!! I mean bitches like her give even good Hispanic Americans a bad name!!! Why should they have to pay for her actions!!? Billy spoke in a sarcastic tone.?Is everything ok??? I mean I hope I am not giving you any trouble!!? Maria spoke to Billy, back in Spanish.?No, things are ok!! Hey listen Maria, before we drop you off at the next town, we have to stop somewhere first!!! It won’t take too long!!? .
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