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"Look Jenny, you're the one who wanted this when I didn't, you're the one who persuaded me to go along with it and as I recall it, you weren't exactly kidnapped and dragged screaming into bed with him were you?" Yes but I didn't screw him this morning though." Jenny what the hell's that got to do with anything?"I was getting a bit annoyed at the silliness of it all, throwing my arms up in exasperation, I whirled round and told her to go back to the hotel.I walked away, chest heaving with anger and left her standing there with tears in her eyes.It took half an hour of walking around aimlessly before I began to noticed the girls in their short skirts, sexy little bottoms wiggling enticingly, bra less breasts bouncing invitingly as they eyed up the boys walking around in groups. They were all playing the mating game, the age old ritual of teasing, strutting or pretended indifference.Slowly I began to feel better, the holiday mood returned although the dilemma I was in still nagged at me,. I’ve cried knowing that I will never kiss you or touch your skin. I can never hold you in my arms or play with your hair. You can’t take me dancing or teach me guitar. I’ll never be able to kiss you at the top of the Ferris wheel. Our children will never meet, or families will be strangers. There will never be a chance to watch your hair grow back. I can’t ever remind you how beautiful you are, even when you’re bald and too thin. I promised I’d remember you like to be kissed gently, with a nibble at the end. Tears burn my eyes as I grieve for the lost chance to wake up next to you. I still want to hold your hand everywhere, at home, in public, during sex and while we sleep. I have so many questions that will have to remain unanswered. This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more.
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