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I do want to be with him. Both for myself, and because I don’t think that you and I can move on until we’ve done this thing. It’s out there like a road-block in our lives, and we can’t move on until we’ve tasted it and discovered we either love it or hate it.”Hearing her honest, heartfelt confession added to my own admission of what I wanted, we just held each other and let it sink in, both aware that we’d crossed a huge watershed in our lives.But as she’s always done in our marriage and family life, Sue forced us to face up to the risks and to talk practically about how we might move this thing forward. We certainly weren’t so stupid as to think there were no risks involved in what we were contemplating. But as we talked them through, we realized we had to take this thing slowly, both grateful that we’d not jumped into things after the gala night high.We also decided we had to be open with Francis about this, to treat our new friend with respect and care. He might have been the. He knew it, too. "That's it, poker boy. Take it or leave it." Todd turned to me and started to talk, voice shaking. "Baby, I'm sorry- I just think this is the only way I can-" "Shut up!" I interrupted, unwilling to listen to his voice any longer. I was shaking my head, numb to the whole proposition, but single minded about getting my dad's car back. The rest I would figure out afterward. "Just get my car back, Todd." "Deal me in," said Todd after a few seconds, pulling his chair up the to table again. I went to make another strong rum and coke, then sat down next to Deon. Todd looked at me, shook his head, and then tried to sink his mind into the game again. I watched as the hands came and went, with Todd's stack of chips rising and falling. I thought about what I really wanted, and how I'd been greedy and stupid to buy into this life with him to begin with. I thought about how blind I was to his downward spiral until it was too late, and how he apparently thought nothing of.
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