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" No, I wouldn't say that," I said. "I probably wouldn't mention it. But you'd definitely get a good meal out of it. I mean, there's no fooling you, so I'd probably overspend on the date like crazy to get in your good graces. And you know how it is at grad school - you take those fancy meals where you can get 'em." Oh my God," said Stephanie, her mouth wide, her eyes flashing. "You're a creep." Is that a no?"She laughed all the way through her jog, and it seemed like she was still laughing when she rounded the chemistry building. I had half a mind to chase her, but I don't think that would be the feminist thing to do. Instead, I brushed up on my international relations.* * * I ran a lot that semester. Sometimes I would pass her by the lake, throwing my arms wide in a 'why not?' gesture that she would shake her head at and then ignore. One of her professors was part of a poker club I belonged to, so from time to time I'd stop by the class to chat and, if she didn't immediately. Breasts are ludicrous,But lovely,Much like a pair of pantiesRolled down to the knees,No longer clothing,But ornament--When they do not give suckTo infants' needs,Breasts are panties, too,Rolled down to the knees.God or nature,Take your pick,Must have thoughtA million years or soBefore decidingWhere to placeThe buttocksSo as to transformTorso into thighs,Thighs into backAnd belly;We can only wonder howMany millennia HeOr it spent in fixingThe location of women'sBouncing breasts.There is something about a pairOf buttocks, sleek and full and round,That begs for punishment.In a cruel world such as ours,Beauty is as much or moreA liability as it is an asset.Woe be she who is callipygian,For she shall be hunted downAnd impaled upon masculinityBoth merciless and relentless:We live in wicked times!It is impossible for mostTo look upon a seated nudeAnd imagine her at stool;The beauty of her buttocksBelies the thought that she,Like you and me, must answerNature's call to defecate.We would.
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