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I was sitting there, rubbing my meat through my jeans, sort of warming it up for a satisfactory jerk off."Hey, Ryan, how about a reverse race? Let's see who can hold out the longest." Without waiting for my reply, Ernie stood and dropped his jeans and shorts. I stared; Ernie's bigger than me and so his cock is fatter. Nothing to embarrass me, just something to make me shudder at the thought of having it up my ass. I stripped as he had and began to slowly stroke my pecker. My eyes jumped back and forth between the whores on the screen and the loaded weapon on Ernie's lap."That's not fair, Ernie. You're barely moving your hand; you'll be able to hold out forever that way."He didn't react. My own hand was resting on my knee. My brain was all ajumble as I tried to form the words that I knew I wanted to say. Should I? Oh, what the fuck; in for a penny, in for a pound."If we're trying to see who can hold out, maybe we should be doing each other."Ernie looked at me for what seemed to be an. I’ve got no one to talk to. Landon’s my best friend, and he wouldn’t judge me, but it’s not exactly easy to tell someone that the person you slept with finds you repulsive. Ella would sympathize, but it’s not sympathy I’m after. I wish I could erase what happened that weekend. It’s been two weeks and I still cringe in agony every time I remember. Maybe abandonment is something I should be used to by now. My own mother didn’t love me enough to stay. Maybe I’m the problem. I make people want to run in the opposite direction because I’m cursed. If Landon, Ella, and my dad leave me tomorrow, I really shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just all shades of fucked, and it’s not entirely because of Tristan. People like me don’t deserve to be loved. Why would anyone want me when there are people like Chrissie McAlister and Tristan Northam in the world? Hell, if I was anyone else, I wouldn’t even give me a second glance. I know I have low self-esteem, but that’s something I’ve made peace with. I.
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