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Almost ashamed, he confessed that he really did not want kids, but he would do anything to make her happy. "The irony of the story is how I lost her." he looked out the window at the horses. Watching them, he continued his story. "She wanted babies, and I agreed to put my selfishness aside. We tried for months to get her pregnant. When she came to me and announced she finally was, I was happy. I thought that maybe I was wrong about having kids." His voiced faded. Bringing eyes back to mine, I saw they were doing their best to hold back the tears. "She died in childbirth." he picked up his coffee and took a long drink. Staring into it, he sat lost in thought.Placing my hand on his, I knew my words could not heal his hurt, but I needed to say something. "I'm sorry." How could I respond to such pain? What words could I give to tell him that I understand? A tear rolled down my cheek. He looked at me and smiled, reaching to catch my stray tear. I guess those two little words were enough. It actually made little difference to me. Beyond a basic sexual titillation, I had no interest in her or any other girls. My sole interest was to save money and, hopefully, leave home -- and, definitely, to make it to New York. At the Liberty Cash Grocery Number 23, Charlie himself couldn't fire my interest in his numerous female contacts.On my sixteenth birthday I received a driver's permit. My stepdad refused to allow me to drive the family car, but to me the permit meant I was one step closer to independence. I began planning the next step, which would be to buy my own used car. Of course, that wouldn't be legally possible until I was eighteen. But for several nights for weeks I stayed up late, calculating the possibilities: the time required to save a little more for trips to New York; saving for a future car of my own; perhaps getting someone else to let me use their car for a larger, more lucrative paper route; or using someone else's car to get me to a better job after school..
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