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I was passive about my interest in teenage boys, even though the age difference left a little more grey area than it does for me now at forty-three. Passive, in that I imagined and fantasized and used the memories of boys and young men I saw or met to fuel a fire when my fingers danced between my thighs. I used my toys and pretended some handsome high school boy was sliding inside me. Those weren’t my only perversions, but they were my favorites.I married once in my thirties to a man who was a terrible match. Not personality-wise, but sexually. He was creatively sterile and vanilla in his pleasures. Sex with him was okay, sometimes great, but he held no interest in trying new things. When I’d shared a fantasy with him once, about a young man of maybe sixteen, he shut me down and shamed me for thinking of anyone but him. The marriage was dissolved within weeks. I needed more taboo stimulation than missionary sex followed by a blow job.Other than my first husband, no one had ever. Within few days we were able to understand that they are not very close. They fought one another mostly and they had loud shout-outs often. After most fights, he would leave and my mother would console her sister.Days were passing like this and on one day they had a huge fight and my uncle left with anger and I heard the crying sound of my aunty. My mother was not there on that day so I went to her room and sat beside her. After seeing me she began to cry more. So I hugged her gently and tried to console. She put her head on my shoulder and started saying that she never was happy after marriage and never had anything to be happy about. She said that uncle even not taking her to any outside places and said she had rarely left her house for a long time. She cried heavily saying these and also said she fears that uncle has many secrets. I said her to relax and after she stopped crying I left her to sleep.On the next day after my uncle went outside I went to my chiththi and told her that.
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