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I waved, and out of habit, pointlessly smiled.One of the pilots decided it was safe to edge closer, moving into formation fifty feet to my left, the other staying about hundred feet above and to my right.Both choppers had two people in them, a pilot and cameraman. I couldn't tell how excited they were, as they were both belted firmly into their seats, the cameraman's face was obscured by his camera and the pilot was busy concentrating on his job - concentration being a very good idea when there was another helicopter in the immediate vicinity plus whatever on Earth I was.A couple of minutes later another media chopper arrived, the first two staying carefully in their relative positions while the third buzzed around me.Shortly after that a police helicopter arrived, also giving me a look-over from all directions. I was watching to make sure none of the choppers collided, ready to intervene if I needed to, but they were all very careful. The police chopper settled into formation above. He couldn't concentrate, or hold a job. He tried to kill himself, twice, he said, but he failed even there. Worst of all, he couldn't confide in anyone, or trust anyone. He had this terrible fear of betrayal, after what his fiancee had done to him. When I tried to touch him reassuringly after I got his phone number and gave him mine, he trembled so hard he couldn't get his coat on." I was still hopeful about my marriage. In fact it was going to last another seventeen years, though I didn't know it, and I didn't know it was going to cost me a large part of me, my enthusiasm, my trust in other people, any instincts for kindness I might have had. I was already getting arrogant, getting to be the kind of woman who feels free to talk bitchy to any shoe clerk who's only trying to do what he's asked to do. I got worse, as the years went by. You know that now I'm a tough broad, hard to live with, sarcastic, suspicious of any kindness anyone shows me, much too cynical. That's what life with.
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