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I am unused to failure. I haven't experienced it very often and this came as a shock. I thought I was so well prepared. I was sure Howard would see that this was important to me and that he wouldn't deny me my need. He's never denied me anything I really wanted before. Why did he react so dramatically this time?I had to rethink my situation. I love Howard. I know I do. But I need some excitement in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I need this. I need someone to help me feel alive and desirable. God knows, Howard is a wonderful lover. He fills me so completely and he is so thoughtful with me. I couldn't ask for a more considerate husband. But ... I need more.I've really made a mess of this. I've alerted him to my intention. I've stupidly caused him to doubt me. There is no way I can indulge myself if he is watching me closely. Why did I have to warn him? What kind of fool am I? I've just made it that much more difficult to have an affair.I've already made up my mind. I'm going to do this.. I never doubted there had to be a sound scientific explanation for her existence, but I had to accept that science might not advance far enough in my lifetime to explain it.The sex, of course, was the center point of our relationship. She came to my bed every night and did things to me that I truly believed no live woman could recreate, and I gladly paid for her services with epic ejaculations of semen. My testicles, prostate and seminal vesicles must have been stressed to their limits to keep up with the demand. Obviously, my nightly donations weren't absolutely essential to her ghostly wellbeing because she'd gone for years and years without it. I assumed her craving was something like an addiction. Well then, so be it! There were certainly worse vices, and I sure as hell had no objections, moral or otherwise.And she did a lot more than provide sexual gratification. Every time we did it, she'd teach me how to do things that she assured me were guaranteed to make a woman scream for.
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