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Dana comes sometimes and she takes control, she can be a bitch, trying to run everything all the time. I get rid of her, it takes effort. I am Dan. It is difficult to be a woman. Dan doesn’t like that. But sometimes I am her, I feel her pain. I wish, oh I wish I was just Dan all the time. I live each day inside me, I never know for sure who will be me on any day or moment. I live in a world no one can know, I live in a world of thinking and being in a way no one can undertstand, I also do not, it is just the way it is. Time gave me this, trapped gave me this. So I write. I write all the time. I have to. If I did not, then the real world around me would come, I would die. I don’t want to die, yet I do. I could die by myself for myself, I just can’t go to that dark corner of nothing and be, that would make me die. So I live, I write, it gives me legs, it gives me love, freedom. Reality is not a good place for me. By writing, I can be anyone, anything, go anywhere, love anyone. I can be. I got so involved in this that I almost didn’t leave for my last class on time. I made it, sliding into my seat just in time, but I really couldn’t concentrate on class as the professor droned on. Somehow, I couldn’t get the notion of romancing Sharon out of my mind. The strangest part was that I wasn’t thinking of romancing her just because she said that an oaf like me wouldn’t know how, but because I wanted to romance her. Somehow, I had stopped thinking of her as a nasty bitch who just happened to be an awesome lay, and was actually thinking of her as maybe a girlfriend. Not only did I want to romance her, but I wanted to mean it. Too bad there was the little problem of her hating my guts. Me not thinking of her as a nasty bitch didn’t mean that she wasn’t a nasty bitch, a complete and total bitch. Then again, maybe she was a total bitch because I expected her to be a total bitch, and treated her like she was a total bitch. Well, I needed to get my head out of the clouds, because.
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