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When I got up in the morning, and looked at it, it lay there, limp and exhausted. If it could have whined, it would have."Don't look at me like that," it would say. "I'm doing more than my part. You're supposed to find me a nice, warm pussy to slide into, where there are no calluses, except maybe a nice sensitive G-spot, and I'll be all warm and comfy when I spurt." I'm trying!" I'd snarl at it."Well try harder!" it would yelp. "I'm tired of Mother Palm, and her five daughters!" Well, you're lucky to get to spit at all, you ungrateful wretch!" I'd shout back at it."And if you're going to keep abusing me like that," it would say, ignoring me, "at least get a softer tissue. I'm getting rug burns from the cheap stuff you wipe me with!"That's when I'd stuff the ungrateful little prick into my pants, where he could sulk ... and would ... all day long.I know, I know ... a sane man wouldn't have conversations with his penis. That's my life, folks. Take heed. When that special girl comes. She slipped a key into the door, heaved at it with her shoulder and disappeared inside.“Welcome to my humble abode.” Shelly giggled as Brett walked into her lounge. “That’s what they say in the movies, isn’t it?”The cottage was dimly lit and moderately furnished with golf clubs propped against every corner and golf magazines overflowing the shelf under her coffee table. The most spectacular thing in the room was easily Shelly herself and she stood facing him, her arms resting on her hips and a mischievous smile on her lips.“So,” she began, “as I see this, we have three choices. One, we can have a coffee and I can drive you around to your place… goodnight and thanks for a lovely day. Two, we can stay up all night talking about the golf swing and what the best courses we’ve ever played are. Or three, we can get into the bedroom and finish off this day the way it’s meant to be.”Brett couldn’t help but smile broadly as she finished the options. With only the slightest pause for mock.
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