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He walks into the bedroom and says “This is the pig I’ve been f@#king!”His wife says “You idiot! That’s not a pig, that’s a sheep!”The farmer says “Will you shut the f@#k up! I was talking to the sheep!”Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.One lady turns and asks, “Do you still get horny?”The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.”After a few moments, the first old lady asks,“Who drives you to the beach?”A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said ‘Have you ever had a hug?’ The man said ‘No, ‘ so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’ The man said, ‘No, ‘ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.The Australian woman came to him and said, ‘Have you ever been f*cked?’ The. “Is it safe to be gallivanting over the heath on your own Rachel?”“Mother; I’ll be thirteen in ten days time; and that’s what I want to ask you!”“Ask me what Rach?”“Birthday present! Can I have a dog for my birthday!”“A Dog! Good grief Rachel ... your Father won’t have that! no way!”She turned away from me and sulked off to her bedroom and I didn’t think much more of it.An hour or so later when Robert came in, Rachel reappeared.She’d cast off the dowdy outfit, and had got herself up altogether more alluringly; barefooted in a very short skirt. I was a little shocked.She’d waited until her father had sat back in his armchair before closing in on him; sitting lightly on his lap and draping her bare arm around his neck. Robert was charmed for a few moments, his hand straying onto her bare thigh; his fingers dangerously close to her cunt. I was transfixed.But when Rachel revealed what she was after, Rober’s hand withdrew; and her pouty pleading could not penetrate Roberts resolve; the.
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