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It was the onlyway to survive. The only way out was to retreat deeper and deeper intomyself, but my body wasn't safe. When the sessions started, I wouldleave my body and float away to another place. It was dark there.Scary. But I felt no pain there. There were other beings there. Dark,hungry beings. They wanted me, like everyone else. They whispered tome, telling me about revenge. They offered power. Their voices weredeep and rumbled. In the dark with them, the world shook like bouldersshifting. I was afraid of them. At that time, I was always afraid. ButI was safe with them. I could be safe.I don't know how long I was there. I remember that they were strong,and I was getting weaker. With their strength, they drug me to pool ofwater. It reflected bright light and it washed over me. The light wasthick, like a wind or rain. Blanking out, the darkness and a voice inmy head said that I was stronger than the darkness. I was special. Thelight would protect me. I knew it was true. I was. If she dies in the next half hour, you and your bitch will join her."Keeping his gun in his hand, he sat down in chair to watch. One of the thugs cut my bonds with a large knife and unceremoniously picked up the bleeding body of May and dumped her (not particularly gently) onto the makeshift operating table. Allison remained bound and kneeling in place, probably not completely comprehending what was now taking place.I opened the wound which wasn't bleeding nearly as much as it should have been and got down to work. It was Army Medic 'Goat School' all over again, with a simple pass/fail test. If May died, so would Allison and I. Now I was not just a highly trained and experienced EMT Paramedic, I had to now perform surgery as if my life depended on it, because it did! I started immediately to work.Time passed in a flurry of vague but frantic activity. I was operating in some odd zen-like state, with my hands moving as fast I as dared, clamping broken blood vessels and trying to clear.
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