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She was as stunned as I was.I nodded.“How’d it happen?” she asked.“Car accident. Just some random thing.”She rushed into my arms, eyes misting over, and hugged me tight as I held her.“I’m so sorry, Paul,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “I know how much she meant to you.”I nodded; my eyes stung, and I blinked back tears of my own. I shook my head, as if doing so could ward off the tears that were welling up. I was a grown man, I hadn’t cried in years. Many years.“When’s the funeral?” she asked.I swallowed hard. “The day after tomorrow.”“Do you want the girls to go?”I nodded. “I think so. I think it’s ... important.”She nodded and laid her head against my chest again, seeking comfort in the certainty of my body. “I’ll miss her.”“Me too,” I said, my voice raspy with pent-up emotion.My chest was tight and I felt a growing knot in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to believe it. A car accident. Just some random thing.Random hurts.Some time later, I don’t know how long,. I AM NO BETTER THAN THE ONE WHO BETRAYED ME!!!”So vicious has the pain returned, each thread sharp as a serpents fang; delivering burning pain and shame with what she feels is her fault again. Now her remaining foundations of emotions are shattered once and for all, set adrift and ruined. Shame upon shame she piles on herself needlessly. Only one who has been violated in the worst ways understands, and the demons she now has to face.“Everything he called me in his letter turns out to be right – trollop, whore, slut, loser, pretender and all the rest, even claiming I was not a virgin when I let him take it from me -“so declared her mind, even though her heart, in the very core of her being knows otherwise, it is overruled. What she fails to understand in this confused state of passion, lust, heat and sensations so new, is that he wanted to please her above all else. A truer lover could not be found, one willing to share a special bond even if for only the one night. Her soft sobs.
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