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Q: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Only one; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.A1: How many can you afford?A2: None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.A3: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.A4: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb, then bill you for the privilege.A5: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents and case law, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the printer’s ink cartridge, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.A6: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...Whereas. “Man that was the best shit ever!” He declared loudly to anyone who would listen, “I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that good,” he added drunkenly.“You really are gross,” Algenon exclaimed.“You ent supposed to shit,” Tommy Hunt says reasonably.“Right,” says Nozzer, “So why did Chalky say to do it?”“Taking the piss mate,” Tommy explained.“You bastards,” says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of spunk and his face absolutely white, “Oh my god that was so awful.”“What fucking me?” Sandra asked.“No him shitting at me, I need therapy!” he replied.“You need a girlfriend mate,” Sandra said, “That’s twenty five quid by the way.”“Ghogof week,” I says, “Give her one get one free.”Sandra scowled, “No need to take the piss.”Not the most sensitive of answers anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the usual charge. Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her feet.
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