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Though we did our best to have meaningful conversation, we were both grieving. I teared most of the time, having to wipe my eyes in order to see clear enough to drive. I finally broke down crying at a stop signal and had to pull over where Gerald held me and kissed me. He said for me not to be sad, we were now in God’s hands. He was confident God would watch over our love because we had so perfectly re-consummated it in His name, this time with considerably deeper meaning and understanding, Gerald made the Sign of the Cross and thanked God for allowing us to be together, asking Him to watch over us and to reunite us in His own time. Gerald was confident God would not forsake us, we were following His lead. He would see to it that we would reunite soon. I accompanied Gerald to his train, walking along side, looking at him through the windows as he located his seat. As the train began to slowly move, I cried and cried. Gerald lifted his window so we could have one final kiss goodbye.. "I nodded and I think I said, "Tha's fine." but don't quote me on that. I was pretty distracted."And John? I've never had sex without a condom before..."That was a splash of cold water. I mean, of course we should use protection and I should've talked to her about it before, but ... well I have no excuse. Luckily I had condoms somewhere, but it would take me a few minutes to find them, I started to struggle up on my elbows. She leaned forward and put a hand on my chest."No you don't understand. I'm on the pill. I've been on the pill since I was 13. I've just never had sex without a condom too, but I want to tonight. It feels right."I'll admit I didn't fully comprehend what that meant at the time, but then most of my brainpower was in my dick. She eased up and swiped me between her lips and then started to settle down. I was speechless.I've had a fair share of sex, and the first time with someone is always special. Often awkward, sometimes hilarious, but there's always that moment when.
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