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I still felt guilty, guilty for a life of betraying her, using her to ensure my superiority. During the funeral service, I vowed to root out those hidden bravados which fed my ego at the expense of others. I didn't need to compete anymore. I'd won life's rat race. I didn't need ego crutches which made me do evil things. That was my vow as I prayed for Julie’s forgiveness, the forgiveness of being her worst enemy.Back at home, queen of my little tribe, I recommitted myself to, the right side of God.I abandoned my secret puppet shadow, rooted out superiority innuendos and prayed for Julie’s forgiveness. I accepted my sins, re-connected with God and vowed to sin no more. I dissociated from my super mom and wife persona, observed detached her words and actions and attempted to redirect her away from slinging arrows to slake my quest for superiority. Reoriented, I attempted to mirror what’s best for others not me. Still a residual feeling of iniquitous anxiety persisted. I couldn’t. She was smiling at me, her smile so wide it dimpled her cheeksand crinkled her eyes, her teeth so white they could have been porcelain.She spoke with a playful tone, and moved with such a buoyancy that itwere as if everything in the world bought her a happiness that I'd neverunderstand: "I know that it's every new students worst fear to be told bya stranger that they're new, but you're definitely new here."I leaned in close to her. "What gave it away?" I asked. "Was it wearingthe uniform when I didn't have too?"She scrunched up her face, looking at me the way you might look atsomething that was just so cute, and gave a quick nod of her head. "Areyou heading back to the dorms?" she asked.I nodded."Walk with me."She told me that she'd done the same thing when she was new at CoastalShores her sophomore year; her name was Annie Richardson and she was asenior now, like me. I asked why she'd left her previous school and shetold the story of her freshman year performance of Rapunzel, and.
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