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After I slowly succumbed to her attentions we would collapse into soissant-neuf on the floor amidst drizzling applause. We would suck on each other’s gigs for up to an hour while the art crowd partied casually above us, occasionally passing comment on the “symbolic dichotomy of our rapture”. The first time we got so hot they had to literally pull us apart.We would do the same act at one of her punk clubs only the crowds were nowhere near as politely detached. Guys would feel us up at will; one time two audience members squatted over us and beat off. I distinctly remember some guy’s cum dribbling on my hip and hearing our artist friend shouting, “Yes! Perfect! PERFECT!” Weird. After college she and I went our separate ways and I spent the next two years jumping from bed to bed making absolutely sure I had exorcized all of my wild urges.It was then I met the love of my life, Danielle (Danny), another lipstick lesbian three years my senior and still my partner to this day. I found her. ..well it hurts more then I have let on.I am being kept here by the selfish need to keep people happy and the fact that death hurts in more then one way.[I]~Jesus Christ. When will this be over? Am I going to have to sit here and hurt for the rest of my life? Failure, after failure, moving from person to person, never seeming to be able to keep the people I care for? I suppose so.What can I say that can take away all of the wrongs I have made? Would someone explain them to me? Maybe then this little misunderstanding can be done and over with. I am getting tired. So tired in fact I've contemplating ending it all here. But no...no I can't do it here. There are too many people it would hurt so I have to stay until it's my time to go. I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time in my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in.
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