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. now, I'm truly suffering for it. I actually do wish Jenny would turn me in. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be free, to have this life.Every night, I lie in bed and Jenny fills my thoughts. She left a huge void in my heart. Every night, the pain comes. It's more pain than I ever thought possible. It's the pain felt by her absence. Knowing I will never see her again. Worse yet, knowing that I betrayed her. The guilt was almost unbearable, but I endured it. I endured it because it was pain I deserved to feel. I wanted to feel it. I wasn't in prison, but I had to endure some punishment for what I'd done. For the terrible betrayal I inflicted on the woman I ... No, it's too late. It's too late for me to admit that. Pain is all I have now.I was never much of a drinker. Alcohol, well it just doesn't taste good and being drunk is just scary. Falling down all over the place, being out of control of your body, not being able to think straight. No thank you!But pain can do funny. I'll wait if he's not available." Ben was using his dad's credit card to pay for the call.He waited for almost five minutes, before Sergeant Hauptmann picked up the phone. "Hello?" Sergeant, its PFC Collins, checking in and needing orders." Ben! Jesus, am I glad to hear your voice! How's Sandy? Your leave going well? You two haven't fought or anything, have you?"Ben laughed. "Christ, Sergeant, is our relationship that obvious? She's fine, better than ever, and we're in great shape together." Ben, I couldn't be happier. You got a fax number for some orders? We've got your TDY to the school ready to rock, and I need to know your location so I can cut some movement orders." I'm in the Bay Area, Sergeant. I can fly from San Francisco or Oakland." San Francisco, then, it'll be easier to set up. What gear do you need? Boots, three sets of BDUs, Kevlar, what else?" Hauptmann referred to the Kevlar battle helmet."Web gear, Sergeant, boot black and my brushes and rags, six sets of underwear.
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