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He'd done nothing to elicit my wrath except ... be my son. Fall asleep lying on top of me, his little head on my chest, his arms around me, hugging me even in his sleep. Play blocks with me, toss the ball with me, swing on a swing as I pushed him, smile and laugh as I tickled him. No matter that it wasn't biological ... he WAS my son. I'd lived with him as my son for three years, loved him as my son ... I couldn't just turn that off. There was no magic wand I could wave to NOT make him my son.I bent and cried, my body wracked in spasms. It was not only remorse at what I'd done but the knowledge of what I'd lost. It was a wailing cry at the sudden epiphany of all that had been taken from me. It was a crushing emptiness at what that fucking bitch had ripped from my heart.I looked up at Jean; I needed her to understand. "I'm not sorry about Amber. I'm not sorry about taking her life away from her. She took mine first; we're even. I shouldn't have involved Michael; I feel like such a. W. but about half of em' I'd never met.It took us two full days to get the walls up and the roof finished and shingled. Mama came out to help and she and Beth stayed busy cookin' up everything she had in the house to keep us all fed. When she made a run to John's for more food, she bypassed the farm on the way back and made a special run to the liquor store in Watonga for three cases of beer and a block of ice to chip up into a washtub to keep it cold. The men were all thankful for that. Mama didn't even say anything when she saw me suckin' down beer right beside 'em. I can tell you that made me feel all grown up.She'd made an awful fuss when she seen the big bruise on my face and said she was proud of me for doin' my best to protect Beth. I guess she figured if I was that grown up, a little beer wasn't gonna hurt me.A week after the tornado, the farm looked better than it did when she bought it. The old silo was an eye sore anyways so it wasn't even missed.At the end of that third.
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