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‘I don’t know,’ I told him. ‘It’s a weakness. The day I’d first cut myself, a switch in my head had been flicked. Instead of feeling horror, I felt nothing. I became addicted to it. It was the only way to release the pressure that was feeling.’ ‘Damn it, Lance,’ Billy growled. ‘Look,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry, but at first, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what I was doing. It felt normal to me.’ ‘Are you stupid?’ Ronnie demanded. ‘How could you possibly think that self mutilation is normal?’ ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again, ‘But I felt I had to deal with this on my own.’ ‘So what does Maranda say about all this?’ Dalton asked, curious. ‘She busted me. Saturday, at the Teen Center. She made me walk with her. She’s very persuasive, made me tell her everything. I had another nightmare last night.’ ‘Same one?’ Devon asked. I nodded. ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘But… I think the girl in my dream is Maranda.’ His eyes widened. ‘Really?’ I nodded again. ‘Her eyes… They are the same as the girl’s in. I've always been thrilled by simply being nude, but I guess there has always been that extra element that made my nudity seem more enticing when I was also exposing myself to others. For example, I remember as a kid of eleven and twelve and then even older, having a male cousin sleep over from time to time. I was a compulsive nudist in my room during the evenings, and even with my cousin around, I didn't make an exception. Mind you, I was not and am not gay, but it's now clear to me, that even as a kid, I got a charge out of being stark naked in front of somebody else.The first couple of times my cousin slept over one summer, I waited until we were going to hit the sack to strip, but as he spent more and more nights over, I started stripping earlier and earlier. After awhile, I was totally naked in front of him from the early evening until the time we left my room the next morning. If I had to make a bathroom run during the night, I'd make it just that: a run to the bathroom, still.
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