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Kay listened to him talking about this and that, her elbow on the bar and her thumb playing with the fingers of her hand. Her other hand rested on her thigh. Now and then her gaze wandered to the general vicinity of his jeans and to his feet, though his jeans were long enough to cover the boots he was wearing. She was still looking for clues with his every movement.In between talking, she caught him eyeing her long legs and she watched him stare at her breasts. For the most part, he did keep his eyes on her face, which was always a bonus on a first date.After a couple of drinks, it was time for Daniel to visit the loo and to his surprise, Kay slipped off the stool and announced that she had to go too.As they approached the loos, Kay turned to Daniel and told him to follow her lead. There was one disabled cubicle and they both slipped inside before Kay hurriedly locked the door. Kay guided Daniel against the wall with the flat of her hand against his chest; she was about to kiss him. I told him it didn’t bother me as long as they didn’t do it on my bed… something I would have expected of a heterosexual roommate as well. I didn’t dare tell Josh I had strong gay sexual urges myself. I just wasn’t ready.A few weeks went by and I finally lost my virginity! Now don’t get ahead of the story, it was with a girl and wouldn’t you know it… on a night when I was expecting to have the room to myself, who should come through that door, Josh and Alex! That brought Josh and I to another awkward conversation. During which I finally gathered up the courage and told Josh I thought I might be gay. I told him I was having confusing and conflicting urges towards men and women and didn’t know what it meant. He told me about his own struggle to find himself and how hard it was to come out. He gave me a lot of good advice that day.Weeks went by where nothing changed for me. I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my mind. “What would it feel like? Would I like it? Does it hurt? What if.
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