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My frustration at my inability to achieveany semblance of the woman I felt I wanted to become had driven me intosilent secrecy when I did try to dress up. That night, in my robe, Imunched snacks as the television played in a muted tone. The youngwomen on the screen were a constant reminder of what I wanted to beable to look like, and equally, my inability to either conquer mydesires, or forget it, or become the woman I had so many dreams about.In my heart I knew I was going to do it, because even though I hadsecretly tried on my sister's clothes many times when I was growing up,and always felt like a clown, this time I would have my mother to helpme. My mother's tacit approval lifted the veil of frustration and Ifelt as if I was soaring. I knew, in my heart, that this time, I wouldlook good. Since Claire was just a year older than I was, most of herclothes would fit me pretty well, and I was sure that with some help, Icould look pretty nice. My biggest concern was how everyone in. I know that, from time to time, he did take on an illegal by not asking too many questions about their right to be in the country. It was hard to see how gaunt those people were and not offer some help.In my time on the ranch, I had been approached by any number of people, sometimes in ones or twos, sometimes in groups and families that I suspected were illegal. Following my uncle's tradition, I fed them but did not hire any.Until one day when everything changed. I had come in from a day of working on the range cleaning out another of the watering holes and was in the process of fixing my dinner when I heard a timid knock on the side door. When I went to the door, I found three women of obvious Mexican descent standing on the patio, all three looking up at me like little lost puppies. They all started clamoring at once in rapid-fire Spanish, something my high school classes had never prepared me for. I held up my hands and asked if they spoke English. They all did but the tallest one.
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