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There was poison in the cure indeed.In the end I decided that it was better for me to let the dream die and let her go back to being who she was, the beautiful, carefree, vivacious and beautiful Charlotte Lawsen, the girl who fucked whoever she wanted whenever she wanted, and had been perfectly happy at it until she'd met me.In the end, I realized that I didn't own her. To expect her to change would be to claim ownership of her somehow. I couldn't accept that. I liked her better free than simply another part of me.And so I let her go. Once and for all I let her go. I drove down a busy strip of our city on that Saturday night, all by myself, crying my eyes out once again, but finally resolved. Finally sure about what I was supposed to do, what I had to do.And then the dog turned around and chased his tail again—I changed my mind again. I loved her so deeply, so strongly, so completely, I couldn't bear the thought of not having her in her life. Her kisses, her touch, her giggles, her. “Oh, no, that would be a shame,” I said, trying to keep it neutral.“I know,” she said. “I said we'll have to be careful. Maybe she's not so confident under that determinedly unpretentious facade.”A wave of relief swept over me that Tilly saw it in that light. It would only invite trouble to reveal my little exchange with the lovely Fang.Tilly is more pragmatic than I am and I was sure she saw the swap in the same light we had originally envisioned: pure, uncomplicated adult fun, not much more than going to the cinema or for a walk. More intense, of course, but with no real consequences.It occurred to me that since the highlights in both bedrooms had been far from mainstream, but on the kinky side, that was just sex, with little emotion involved, and therefore we were safe.“Same room,” I mused. How many beds were in your room?”“One,” Tilly said. “Standard double, quite comfortable. How many in yours?”“One,” I said, “but it's big. King size.”“So two... episodes could be going on.
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