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I needed it to happen. Something. I don't know why, and I honestly didn't care what or how. I just wanted something off the wall. Something scary or crazy. Something out of my deepest, darkest fantasies. I needed it. Needed to know. Needed to feel. Yes, my fantasies have driven me crazy lately, affecting me at inopportune times. Shopping. Watching television. Washing up. Sometimes it's hard to resist the need to masturbate. I love to masturbate. Fortunately, I found a man who has managed to keep my demons at bay. He leaned in to kiss me at that moment, and as I always do, I melted. I married him when he told me I wouldn't find anyone like him ever again. He was right. I hope you don't think I'm sick. Well actually, I've often thought the same thing myself. I mean, well okay, I was a bit wild in high school. By that, I just mean a bit. My fantasies always outstripped my realities. I've always loved masturbating. I loved to fantasise. As my sex-toy collection grew, my fantasies grew. Back then I’d trundle around with whichever ukulele-wielding Zooey Deschanel-lookalike I was nursing a crush on that month, hoping my half-baked theories on surrealism or De Stijl or goodness knows what – cobbled together from a combination of a Wikipedia article the night before and a quick thumbing through of the gallery’s brochures while she wasn’t looking – would give her the impression I was a serious, intense intellectual who might be able to make some serious, intense love later on, rather than what I really was: a horny and slightly pretentious blagger punching well above his weight.Now, seven years later, stood in the centre of a mediocre provincial art gallery, with no quirky would-be artists to impress, and indeed with absolutely nobody for company but a security guard who seemed amazed that even one person as there, I felt free to admit this to myself. I could look at a painting, tell myself it seemed nice, maybe get what it represented if someone explained it to me. Then.
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